Yeah, so I jumped on the “Fifty Shades” bandwagon. So what?
Sometimes a girl enjoys a little steamy romance novel with a little pain to it.
I actually listened to the books and sometimes it was awkward and yeah, I did totally blush sitting at my desk at work. (What is it with the men in these types of novels liking a woman’s blush? I don’t get that…being a white girl it happens. A.lot.)
I went a little bit beyond Fifty Shades and have actually read and listened to about 7 or so other similar books. Very similar. I’m pretty much done now, thankyouverymuch.
And I’m convinced that the type of people in these books don’t really exist in the real world. Yeah, yeah, it’s a book…fiction..fantasy. I get it. I am not knocking it, I am just tired of it. Do those people really exist? In real, live, life?
So I’m writing my own juicy novel about real people. Not real people I know just “real” people. Not perfect people with perfect hair and perfect lives and perfect relationships. Real people. The messy, the sloppy, the real.
The hero of the book will be some regular old Joe Shmoe from anywhereville. In fact his name may really be just Joe. Nothing fancy, no Christian or Gideon…plain old Joe. Not even Joseph. Joe.
Joe is going to have a beer belly, he will be totally 100% average in every other way. Average height, not muscular or cut just average. He doesn’t need to have man boobs or anything he just needs to be an average Joe. (heh, get it?) He could be hairy and maybe he works as a tradesman…an electrician or a welder…a plumber even. LOL (my dad is a plumber) Yeah, I’ll give him plumber crack. Joe the plumber. That’s it.
I picture him and his lady meeting in a bar or a coney island place with their eyes meeting when she walks in the room.
“He looked up from his chili cheese fries and their eyes met. He took a swig of his domestic bottled beer and gave her a slight nod and a wicked smile.”
The girl is going to be completely average as well. Normal sized breasts (maybe even one slightly larger than the other. She can feel self conscious about it). Average height, slightly overweight, some rolls, some soft spots. Mousy brown hair and eyes that aren’t brilliant blue or chocolate brown. Maybe hazel eyes. What color is hazel anyways?
Ok a name…girl needs a name…Jane! LOL hah. How about Sara. So, Joe and Sara.
“She noticed him right away. It was almost like the people in the room had parted just so her eyes could lock on him. He was average, nothing special really, but for some reason she was drawn to him and she couldn’t explain why.”
They are going to meet and start dating. Maybe it won’t be hot and steamy right away but it will be real. And their first time will be awkward like sex can be and there will be funny noises and maybe rolls will get in the way and they will need to decide what needs to be moved where to get things to work correctly. You know…it’s not all “he made love to me the first time so sweetly and I melted into his arms and never wanted to leave again.” Uh, yeah…it’s not always like that.
I’m not hating on the romance novels. I just am tired of them I guess. I want something real…characters I can relate to. Give me a larger couple attempting to have sex for the first time. Or a chubby chaser and his woman. Give me that story!
Where are THOSE romance novels?
“His t-shirt was stretched taught over his small beer belly. She wondered why he didn’t just buy a bigger shirt. For some reason it didn’t repulse her. She actually thought that is suited him. On another guy it would have been wrong, but on him? Perfect. She gave him a shy smile back.”
Would anyone else read this too? It would definitely be a humorous book with some real life steamy romance built in. I would think people could relate to it. How many of us are married to or dating the Christian Grey or Gideon Cross types? Shit, not me!
But how many if us are married to or dating real men with flaws or who are completely average and we love them just as they are? <raises hand> me!
“He saw her immediately when she walked in the room. She had on a pair of well worn jeans, tennis shoes, and a hoodie. Her hair was mousy, a shade between blonde and brown and was cut long with a slight wave to it. When she turned he could see that her breasts were average sized, a C cup he’d guess and she wasn’t thin. Her un-tucked t-shirt hid a paunch that she probably hated but he wanted to sink his face into. She met his eyes and when she did a slight double take he gave her a nod and a grin while he contemplated getting up to go talk to her.”
LOL oh this is SO happening.
